Chapter 4
‘Why on earth did I do that? Why… Even while I was having fun taking classes in my major, deep down I assumed I’d go to business school once undergrad was done. I thought they’d bring me into the company before it was too late, that there was no way they’d be crazy enough to tell me to stick with my major. …But how did it come to this? Am I the one who’s crazy, or is my father…?’
His cousin’s whining was going in circles. Soohyun remembered how his uncle’s eyes had flashed when his youngest son, with an innocent look on his face, announced he wanted to study biotechnology back when he entered high school and began discussing his career path in earnest; the bastard had simply been too stupid.
Around that time, their grandfather was about to aggressively expand investments into rare-trait research linked to the family’s medical foundation, and his uncle must have planned from then on to shove his youngest son into a research position.
Above all, the problem was that he was soft and earnest. Born into the direct line, he nonetheless carried himself without pretense, had no knack for politics, and was single-mindedly devoted to his studies. While that was the very reason Jeong Wonil was the only one in the family Soohyun had ever opened up to, the punk talked far too much.
As the endless drunken rambling dragged on amid heavy intoxication, gazes occasionally drifted over from across the room. It was a familiar occurrence, giving him no particular sense of superiority or pride. He was merely used to receiving looks; he had never felt drawn to return one. Revulsion was the first thing he felt at the thought of reaching out and tangling limbs.
As it happened, his cousin was talking about something similar.
‘By the way, are you really going through with an arranged marriage? I heard you asked my mom to find you a match.’
‘…’
‘Man, I really can’t understand you, Jeong Soohyun. It’s not like I’ve played around wildly or anything, but you’re just way too… Don’t you even want to have a little fun before settling down? Plenty of women have thrown themselves at you. How can you get married without dating even once…?’
Then, lowering his voice, he asked:
‘Do you not have a libido or something?’
He wondered if that might be true. Whenever he saw guys getting into trouble because they couldn’t keep it in their pants, he found them pathetic long before he felt any sympathy for their urges.
So how had he ended up doing this?
“Uh…”
When he slid his hand under the T-shirt and touched his chest, the man let out an awkward sound. Even though it was another man’s body, it felt oddly intriguing. His skin was softer than expected, and he smelled good. When the man drew a sharp breath, he could feel each ridge of his ribs against his fingertips. His nipples stiffened before he had even brushed them a few times.
Thinking the guy might suffocate if he kept going, he moved his hand around to his back. As he slowly stroked his back and pulled him close by the waist with the other hand, their hips immediately pressed together. He had assumed that as long as he could top whenever he pleased, he wouldn’t care what was hanging down there, but this complete lack of revulsion felt strange. Was he gay? But if it was attached below that pretty face, surely…
“Ah…”
Right. Soft and pale, it hardened rapidly beneath his touch. Yes, he had known he would be pretty down here, too. He really did have good taste, picking someone at first glance who could get him this turned on for a one-night stand.
“Shall we lie down?”
Keeping their hardened lower bodies pressed together, he pushed the man onto the bed. Pinning down the slender frame, he looked at the bewildered face under the orange glow of the light. Even in a dingy, cluttered restaurant, wearing an apron printed with a provocative soju ad, he had left a clear, clean impression. That was entirely because his face was worth looking at. For someone like him who rarely considered ordinary looks worth the time of day, making such an impression meant the guy could have easily made a living off his face.
He wrapped his arms around the man’s waist and rubbed against his groin, drawing a broken groan from him. It was amusing how obvious it was that he was a virgin. Not that he had much experience himself, but he had no intention of making this much of a fuss. It wasn’t something momentous enough to warrant such dramatics.
‘You’re only twenty-six, which is young by any standard these days. Is there a reason you’re rushing to get married?’
The conversation with his cousin came to mind again.
‘I always planned on doing it around this time.’
He had to finish school, so he had put it on hold until getting his doctorate, and for the past six months, he had been run ragged as an intern at Mulsan. Now that he was officially joining the company, he would be busy with all sorts of things for a while, but that would always be the case anyway.
Rather than waiting for the right moment, he wanted to get it over with as soon as circumstances permitted. If he married while he was even a year younger, the woman would likely be more modest, and after having two or so children, he planned to get a vasectomy immediately.
Though he had never shown it, Jeong Soohyun had harbored a lifelong insecurity about being an accident born of foolish carelessness and ambitious scheming. Growing up in an extraordinary family and being fully exposed to that twisted cause and effect had been a decisive misfortune, or perhaps a stroke of luck. Because he had not the slightest intention of forgetting the lesson his parents had taught him firsthand.
‘This bastard is actually serious…’
Jeong Wonil shook his head in disbelief, then chuckled softly and cracked a joke.
‘Getting married as a total virgin like that, aren’t you going to put your wife through hell?’
He caught the innuendo right away. While he had never gone as far as penetration, it wasn’t as if he had never been physically intimate, so there was nothing to worry about. Yet this cousin of his, despite being involved in related research, seemed utterly oblivious to how potent their family’s trait was. If he fooled around recklessly and ended up having a child, wouldn’t that be a far bigger headache?
“You don’t have to keep quiet.”
“Ngh…”
“It’s just me here.”
In any case, what he was doing right now was fun. Something unfamiliar, unexpected, and novel. In a shabby studio apartment he would never have had any connection to in his life, pressing his body against a stranger he had met for the first time just hours ago, contemplating joining their bodies. Did he really intend to go all the way? The moment he asked himself that, he recalled the most recent time he had gotten physical with someone.
‘Fuck, you’re treating me like this?!’
She was an alumna whose father was a three-term lawmaker, and their families knew each other well, but she wouldn’t be able to go around complaining after having thrown herself at him so eagerly. Even if the view had been blocked by partitions and pillars, it had still been in the corner of an openly operating wine bar. Having his cock sucked so casually in such a place was novel, but that was where the amusement ended; he had never intended to go all the way with a partner panting without any sense of discernment. But right now…
“Ah!”
Each time more of their skin met, the body flinched. He chuckled silently at that honest reaction. His conversation with his cousin crossed his mind from time to time as his vision gradually blurred. What on earth was this? Breath this hot, panting this ragged, a head this numb… Surrendering himself to an impulse like this was a first for him.
‘Since you’ve made up your mind, at least date around freely before your partner is chosen, man. I’m not saying this because I’m promiscuous, but because I know what an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud you are.’
‘Hardly words I’d expect from someone who still uses phrases like “dating around freely.”’
‘Ha! Even so—though I’ve been reduced to this state since entering the lab—back when I had my last relationship… Whew… To hell with reason, I completely lost my head. If I wanted to see her, I’d drive for hours, even at dawn. I even forgot Grandfather’s summons and stayed at her place—no, what am I saying, in bed, unable to take our eyes off each other… It was really hot.’
Hot. Yes, in this moment, he was losing his mind from the heat as well. His eyes kept losing focus, his palms were damp, and even as he firmly pinned down the body beneath him, his toes occasionally curled, kicking into empty air…
‘I’ll bring it on a side plate instead of a small dish.’
‘Today’s the only day, you know.’
When his eyes had been strangely drawn to that gently smiling face. When he had suddenly grown curious about the fingers and backs of the hands as they set dishes on the adjacent table, and the texture of the skin on the arms emerging from the short-sleeved T-shirt. When he sensed him closing up the diner and walking this way—
—Should I?
The desire had flared up without warning.
—With him.
An instinctive urge that sent a shiver down his spine out of nowhere. And he was generally quick to make decisions.
It wouldn’t hurt to see who he was capable of fucking. Preferably someone who was pleasant to look at and wouldn’t cause complications later.
“Does it hurt?”
“It, it feels strang—”
A low, raspy voice, a face grimacing with sweat, a body melting with pleasure yet intermittently growing stiff. Such a pretty, fresh novice couldn’t have been more fitting. He liked how the man’s eyes looked up at him the entire time.
When he lightly rubbed the tip of his nose against the damp cheek, the man tilted his head and their lips brushed. A surge of arousal spread like sparks.
“Ah!”
The moment a feverish moan pierced his ears, Jeong Soohyun bit into the pale nape exposed before him. He grew dizzy for a moment at an allure so fragrant and captivating he could hardly believe it came from another man’s body. The core of his body felt as if it were melting away. Jeong Soohyun never once heard the sound of the rain pounding the ground with a furious roar throughout the night.
* * *
The moment he came to, Inwoo felt his eyelids were unusually heavy. His exhaled breath felt just as heavy, as did the neck supporting his head, his curled back, his limbs, his fingertips—and piercing through his body…
“Ugh…”
A groan slipped out. It was both a reflex and a sound he made on purpose to snap himself back to reality. Then the shock hit without warning. …What the hell, seriously? Did I really…?
“Ha…”
Did I really sleep with him…?
He was dumbfounded, yet even then, his lower half hurt enough to draw a hollow laugh. He tried hard not to think about what had dried stiff between his legs—yet he felt he already knew… Don’t people usually use condoms? Had he even been in his right mind…? He hadn’t had a single drop of alcohol, so what on earth had possessed him to do such a thing?
“Ugh…”
Even without looking around, he knew he was the only one in the room. What a relief. If he’d had to face him, he wouldn’t have known what to say, and it would have been so mortifying. Not that he had anything to say anyway… What they did yesterday was not something that required conversation. Two adult strangers had done it by mutual consent, and now it was over. Even if the other man had left without a word, it wasn’t like he could complain about manners or anything.