Chapter 4

　　Won’s left forearm was noticeably thicker than her right. I should have caught it sooner. Foolish of me.

　　With every step, I berated myself all over again. I must have been completely under her spell when Won stripped off her clothes. How else could I have missed a difference that obvious?

　　After being turned out of Won’s place, I couldn’t stop blaming myself, replaying every moment when I could have done better and hadn’t. I knew it was pointless, but I had nothing else to do while I waited for her to reach out.

　　I arrived at the transfer station and let out a long breath. Passing through these stations always leaves me feeling a little hollow. People move down those long, fleeting corridors without stopping, eyes fixed straight ahead. A path that isn’t really a path, where completely mismatched souls gather for a moment and then scatter. A space where no one ever looks at another person’s face.

　　Sometimes I feel as if my whole life is one of these transfer stations. Like a passageway where I can’t stop or rest, where I have to keep moving no matter what, life feels suffocating. And in moments like that, all I want is to be hit and think of nothing at all.

　　I want to suffer at the hands of someone with intent, driven by the clear goal of pleasure, until I’m completely spent. In a dull, colorless existence, is there anything else that could make my heart race like that?

　　Won’s call came nine days after we first met, at 9:23 p.m. It was well past when I should have clocked out, since I’d had to sort inventory at the bookstore. I’d just reached the transfer station and let out that long sigh when it came.

　　I was thrilled. Being out already meant I could get to Won so much faster than if I’d been slumped at home after work, then bolting out the door.

　　Her call was like a brilliant light spreading through that suffocating station, where I’d been drifting aimlessly against the current. One word from Won, and suddenly the whole place transformed, brimming with hope. A single call could do that.

　　—“Come here now, Daisy.”

　　“Yes, I’m out right now, so I can be there within forty minutes.”

　　—“Good. I’ll be waiting.”

　　Could the words I’ll be waiting really bring this much joy? I clenched both fists, turned, and ran. I almost never ran, and yet I took off without a second’s hesitation.

　　If I could shave forty minutes down to thirty, or even less, then I had to run, even with my breath clawing up my throat.

　　Will I get hit today? If so, where, and how? What will Won look like as she strikes me? How will those full breasts sway when she swings?

　　The thoughts crowded my mind. That crimson fuel let me push even faster.

　　A woman running just to be beaten. Can you picture that? Can you even begin to guess how strange, how twisted a woman I am?

　　Exactly thirty-one minutes after I hung up, I reached Won’s building. I’d sprinted like a maniac, caught the subway, jumped off, and charged back up the station stairs. I bolted for the entrance, ignoring someone behind me shouting, “Wait, hold on!”

　　I stared, desperate, at the numbers ticking up toward the seventeenth floor. Even with a security camera inside the elevator, I started preparing to strip down bit by bit. I undid every button and unfastened my buckle. I slipped my feet out of my flats, then stepped back into them with the heels crushed flat.

　　DING.

　　The elevator doors slid open.

　　I transformed into Daisy.

　　This time, I didn’t hesitate. I shed every last layer onto the floor and waited on my knees, naked, for the woman who had summoned me. I thought about pushing through the bars, walking down the hall, and heading to the room where she’d first led me. But that felt like crossing a line.

　　Praying I’d made the right call, I stayed on my knees with a reverent heart, waiting for the dark presence coming toward me.

　　Footsteps. From the far end of the shadowed hallway, they came slow and even, drawing closer. Black boots, black pants, a black turtleneck, black hair. Won looked as though the hallway’s shadows had peeled off a piece of themselves and sent it to me.

　　After nine days, Won was beautiful. Her pale skin and impassive face were exactly as I remembered, so maybe it was my feelings toward her that had shifted.

　　“You’re early, Daisy.”

　　I wanted to tell her I’d run the whole way. But the sweat pouring off me and my flushed face were already saying it for me, so I decided it was better not to sound like I was fishing for credit.

　　“I like how quick you are on the uptake.”

　　Won whispered it, her gaze fixed on me kneeling there, bare. A compliment, surely, since she said she liked it.

　　The iron gate opened. Won came over and crouched down in front of me. Then she fastened a black leather leash around my neck. A gold tag engraved with the name Daisy hung from it. She secured it in place and let the faintest smile touch her lips.

　　I was already happy. That moment of becoming someone else’s possession filled me with an overwhelming rush of confidence. You belong to me now, at least in here. That was how it felt.

　　“How long were you active in the club?”

　　The interview resumed. Stepping back into the room I’d first entered, I saw two steaming cups set on a small table. She’d timed my arrival and prepared tea, and the thoughtfulness of it lifted me even higher.

　　“Not very long. K was the only reason I was there in the first place.”

　　I answered as I sat in the chair Won gestured to. Did Won know K’s situation? I assumed she did. And even if she didn’t, it wasn’t my place to go running my mouth about K’s private affairs.

　　“K has such a good heart, so she looked out for me a lot. Once she was gone, there was no reason to stay.”

　　Won nodded. The truth was, I’d quit the club because nobody wanted me. Whether it was a D/s dynamic or just a casual hookup, you had to be able to talk, and I simply didn’t have the knack. It was as if I’d been born with the ability to trade words with people already stripped out of me.

　　How do you always manage to say something so stupid? Are you even listening to me? Dense little girl. The endless scoldings I’d absorbed growing up circled back through my ears.

　　“Daisy?”

　　I snapped back and looked at Won. She was watching me closely, her eyes questioning.

　　“What are you thinking about so hard?”

　　“Ah, sorry, I just spaced out for a second…”

　　“That wasn’t a reprimand. Don’t apologize.”

　　Won offered me the tea. I drank it down, cooled to exactly the right temperature. Don’t apologize. What a wonderful thing to say. By this point, I was starting to wonder if I was simply falling for everything about her.

　　“You don’t seem to have much experience, so I prepared something for you, Daisy.”

　　“Ah…”

　　“Getting it ready is why it took me a little while to reach out.”

　　Once I’d finished my tea, Won told me to stand. I drained the last of the cup and rose to follow her. She walked to the wall and opened a small door set into it.

　　I clapped a hand over my mouth and stepped back. The space it revealed held an overwhelming number of tools, all arranged in perfect order. Restraints, canes, paddles, whips, rods, clamps, and more, sorted by size and color, aligned with flawless precision in spacing and height. And every one of them looked well-worn. None of them had the scent of anything new.

　　Instinctively, I knew Won cherished these things. The smooth handles were bent and worn to different degrees, each with its own history.

　　It felt like peeking into Satan’s secret cabinet.

　　“Touch them.”

　　Won took my hand and drew it forward. Guided by her, I ran my fingertips across the vast array. Hard, cold surfaces brushed past one after another.

　　“Is any of this familiar to you?”

　　“No, not really.”

　　There were too many, I told her, for me to really know. Won wrapped her arms around me from behind and pulled me firmly against her. Her embrace was broader than I’d expected, and I sank into it. She told me to choose whichever one drew me most.

　　I picked the thinnest, shortest rod. Won asked if I wanted to be hit with it. I said I’d still rather be spanked by her hand.

　　“I’m really not used to the implements yet. They’re a little frightening.”

　　Then, Won said, we could start with something less scary. Of course. Showing me inside that closet meant she’d fully intended to use something. I’d clearly misread the room.

　　Won took out a set of black wrist and ankle cuffs. They were joined by a thin chain, made to bind both hands and feet at once.

　　At the club, I’d met someone who got off purely on being tied up. They said they even enjoyed being bound tight enough to cut off circulation, but confessed their greatest fear was being left bound and curled up, abandoned.

　　The curiosity that had flared in me at those words came surging back now. To be completely controlled, mind and body, and to do that with Won, felt like a guarantee of something wonderful.

　　Won led me to the bed. Not a folding cot, but a large queen-size mattress. It seemed she’d prepared a great deal for today. I climbed on and sat where she told me to, then watched as she locked the restraints around my hands and feet.

　　Her touch as she fastened each one, one at a time, was almost reverent. That serious attention, nothing done carelessly, moved me deeply.

　　She studied the finished restraints as if admiring them. Then she seized the chain linking the cuffs and jerked it forward. The force dragged me tumbling across the bed. “Ah, ah!” I cried out, cowed by the clank of the chain and my utter helplessness, and let out a few small sobs.

　　“I’ve never met anyone this easily frightened, Daisy.”

　　Won pointed at my tear-filled eyes. Then she ordered me to lie face down. Bound hand and foot, moving was no easy thing. I crawled clumsily forward, curling as tight as I could, and lay flat.

　　“Can you breathe okay?”

　　“Yes, I’m fine.”

　　Won stroked my backside. Goosebumps rose across my skin. Knowing those soft, large hands were about to strike me, I couldn’t stop the trembling.

　　“In the end, Daisy, you’ll be tamed by me.”

　　Then she told me to hold my position still. I heard her step away, moving toward Satan’s cabinet. From the way she pulled something out without hesitation, it seemed she’d decided on today’s play in advance. Curled face down, I couldn’t see anything. I could only feel.

　　Won covered my eyes with a black scarf. Bound hand and foot in total darkness, I felt impossibly exposed. That danger sparked fear and tension, and I began to gasp in small, ragged breaths.

　　“I’ll give you ten. Exactly ten.”

　　She didn’t tell me to endure it. So whether I collapsed, cried, or begged, Won would deliver all ten regardless.

　　“Sh-should I count?”

　　“No, I’ll count them myself. Don’t worry about it. Just feel the pain.”

　　Won truly asked nothing of me. Cold, and yet so intimate, I thought. Even so, my body shook, reaching for an unknown, bottomless pain.

　　I heard the tool cut through the air. A heavy whoosh, and then it split the space again and came down hard across my backside. A leather paddle. Wide and thick, it landed like it meant to cleave me in two.

　　“Aaaagh!” I screamed. My body thrashed, frantic to right its collapsed posture. In that instant, Won fisted my hair and forced me back into place. Then she started striking, without pause.

　　One, two, three, how many had it been? Five, nine, it felt like it had already gone past ten, but wait!

　　Through the haze, the spanking went on, and I wailed, breaking and rolling with every blow. Each time, she caught my hair and hauled me back to the warm spot where I’d been, putting me back into position.

　　“Ten… I think it’s more than ten now.”

　　“I’ll stop on my own once the count is done. Keep your mouth shut, Daisy.”

　　I sobbed and sobbed. All sensation drained from my backside. Only a burning, searing heat remained to tell me it was still there at all.

　　It hurt so much. It really, truly hurt. Something, sweat or something else, I couldn’t tell, trickled down between my legs.