Chapter 3: The Loser's Comeback (3)

　　"Didn’t I tell you? Life is inherently unfair."

　　They say nobody ever thinks they’re the bad guy in their own story. Realizing how true that was felt a little chilling, honestly.

　　"But that’s bribery," I said.

　　"My sweet boy, how will you ever survive in this world when you’re this innocent?"

　　Had Lee Kanghyun’s life always been like this? Receiving such unconditional, blind support that completely disregarded the law and basic morality—I didn’t know whether to envy him or pity him.

　　"That industry has always been like that," she continued. "I hear they even rig the votes."

　　People always claimed things like that happened all the time. I’d heard the rumors warning not to trust anyone on screen, insisting that everything on TV was just paid promotion or rigged from the start. But to think such blatant corruption was happening on ‘Pick Your Fantasy’ too.

　　"Even so, directly rigging things feels a bit sketchy, doesn’t it?" she mused. "Messing with the data might leave behind a trail of evidence; you never know."

　　Fiddling with her earring, my mother shrugged. The jewels glued to her manicure caught the light and gleamed, and I instinctively furrowed my brow.

　　"Anyway, there won’t be any issues, so don’t worry your pretty little head over it. You just focus on preparing for your stage. Do you understand what mommy is saying?"

　　True to her words, there wouldn’t be any issues. At least, not as far as I knew.

　　During his three years promoting as a member of P.KISS, and his subsequent two years as a solo artist, Lee Kanghyun was never once caught up in gossip about vote rigging or bribery. He might have stirred up controversies over his frivolous behavior or poor work ethic, but when it came to his debut, his record remained spotless.

　　But was it really okay just because it never leaked to the public? Was this truly something I could just turn a blind eye to, simply because the raw votes weren’t physically manipulated?

　　"You can’t do that, Mom." Trying to stop her once again, I reached out and clasped her hand. Her skin felt unusually cold. "No matter what, someone else will end up being the victim."

　　What if Lee Kanghyun had never existed, or what if he had competed fair and square? Could I have perhaps finished the show ranked ninth instead of tenth?

　　Even knowing it was a pointless endeavor, I couldn’t help but agonize over the possibilities. Perhaps that was the exact reason I’d been given this second chance. Maybe God had dropped me into this body, telling me to rightfully reclaim the spot that had been unfairly stolen from me because of Lee Kanghyun.

　　"I don’t want to be ashamed of myself," I told her. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life consumed by the guilt of having stolen someone else’s dream. If that was the price, I’d rather not debut at all. "I don’t care what the result is… Please let me achieve this on my own."

　　I would much rather walk through blinding flames where I couldn’t see an inch ahead than float down a lazy river built on the tears of others. People might shake their heads and call me a fool, but that was how I felt.

　　"Oh my, when did my boy grow up so much?" Seeming genuinely touched, my mother offered me a proud smile. "It’s like you’ve become a completely different person after that accident."

　　Since I actually had become a completely different person, I couldn’t form a response. I simply bit my lip in silence.

　　"If that’s what you want to do, then that’s what we’ll do. All right. I won’t interfere."

　　"…Thank you."

　　"Don’t mention it. But if you end up failing and throw a crying fit about it later, I’ll turn a blind eye, okay?"

　　Even her playful teasing was so full of affection that a corner of my conscience couldn’t help but ache with guilt.

　　"Then again, as handsome as you are, you wouldn’t be eliminated even if you tried. Right?"

　　She was wrong. The Lee Kanghyun she loved was gone. From now on, I had to embody him and somehow snatch the dream of debuting for myself.

　　Without any backing. Relying solely on my own abilities.

* * *

　　Using amnesia as an excuse to ask for their understanding in advance, I met with the remaining two trainees from Victorious.

　　"Man, what are we gonna do? Does that mean you completely forgot the choreography we practiced, too?"

　　The first person was Moon Jaejun. He had been a trainee for two years and was twenty years old. He was tall and fairly good-looking, but due to his mediocre skills, he never managed to secure a high rank. If my memory served me right, he would be eliminated after the second ranking announcement.

　　"The filming is literally tomorrow… Should we just change the song?"

　　The second person was Kim Hayoung. He had been a trainee for four years and was nineteen. Perhaps because he was above average at both singing and dancing, his final rank was quite high at thirteenth place. Though he had tasted the bitterness of defeat right on the threshold of debuting, he eventually overcame that failure to achieve his dream, building a solid reputation for himself as a singer-songwriter later down the line.

　　"Hey. How are we supposed to change the song at this point?" Jaejun argued. "We already submitted our tracklist to the writers."

　　"That’s true, but learning it all over again is going to be way too intense for Kanghyun…"

　　According to Hayoung’s explanation, the song that the three of them had brainstormed so hard to choose was none other than the hit idol group Black One’s "OVER."

　　It was a legendary track notorious for its ridiculously difficult choreography—a routine the original singers joked made them want to throw up every time they prepared for a tour. It was a vicious sequence packed with squats, push-ups, and all sorts of grueling acrobatic movements.

　　Just what kind of nerve did Lee Kanghyun have to agree to this song? He definitely would have embarrassed himself on stage. He must have put on an utterly unremarkable performance, which was probably why absolutely nothing remained in my memory about it.

　　"Let’s set the choreography aside for a second," I interjected.

　　Regardless of the circumstances, changing the song with only one day left until filming was a massive nuisance. Furthermore, even if we did make a hasty switch, it didn’t seem like the results would drastically improve. It would be one thing if it were just me, but there were three of us on the team. Finding a song that all of us could pull off flawlessly at this late stage was impossible.

　　And besides that…

　　"About my parts. Are these all rap lines?" There was another, far more serious problem than the choreography. My role or ‘position’ was a vocalist, whereas Lee Kanghyun was a rapper.

　　"Yeah. Why?" Hayoung asked. "Don’t tell me you forgot the lyrics, too?"

　　Oh, Hayoung. The lyrics aren’t the issue. I’ve never rapped a day in my life.

　　"Should I just drop out?" I muttered.

　　My own debut wasn’t the problem right now. At this rate, I was going to ruin someone else’s audition completely.

　　"Why would you say that?" Hayoung gasped. "We promised to debut together. Did you already forget our blood oath?"

　　"Are you an idiot?" Jaejun smacked his arm. "Of course he forgot. He has amnesia right now."

　　"Oh, right." Even as Hayoung and Jaejun exchanged banter, I couldn’t bring myself to laugh. The situation was truly dire.

　　"If you’re not confident in rapping, we can still swap parts now," Jaejun readily offered. "If it really comes down to it, I’ll just take your lines."

　　Considering the overall quality of our performance, that wasn’t a great option either. If he changed his part because of me and ended up receiving unnecessary criticism from the judges later, I would probably die of guilt.

　　"I think it’s better if we don’t swap parts," I said. "Let’s just sing through it once for now."

　　I still had a few years of experience working as a vocal trainer under my belt, so I might be able to manage a pre-existing track. Rapping was just another vocal technique in the first place, wasn’t it? Furthermore, this song wasn’t authentic hip-hop; it was, at the end of the day, a K-pop track.

　　Filled with half-hopeful anticipation, I waited for my part to come up.

　　Going ’round and ’round through countless hours, i-in the end, like th…

　　Wait a minute. What on earth is this feeble, mosquito of a voice?

　　Completely devoid of strength, the vocal tone trembled uncontrollably. It sounded so robotic and awkward that it made me cringe. The sound kept cutting out abruptly, and the only things that were barely accurate were the pitch and rhythm. Everything was so terrible that it made me wonder if this body had ever practiced vocalization a single day in its life.

　　I’ve only sung a single measure, so what am I supposed to do if it’s already this unstable? I know he’s a rapper and not a vocalist, but this is too much. In a way, vocalization is even more important for a rapper than a vocalist! I know he’s only been a trainee for six months, but still…

　　Right. What was I even expecting? Lee Kanghyun was always a guy whose lack of talent constantly stirred up controversy, not just before his debut, but throughout his entire career afterward as well.

* * *

　　—Seriously, they picked Lee Kanghyun to be an idol, but why the hell is the kid at this level? Is he good at rapping? Can he sing? Can he even dance? Fuck, what exactly is his position in the group?

　　└ As long as his face is working hard, that’s all that matters, haha. There are plenty of good rappers on Give Me the Money, so go look for them over there. Don’t come throwing a tantrum in the innocent idol scene.

　　└ Idols are singers too, for god’s sake.

　　Am I the only normal one for wanting to beat the crap out of the people fiercely shielding Lee Kanghyun every time his talent controversies pop up by claiming it’s fine because he’s just "a personality hire"?

　　└ Ding. You are normal.

　　└ Calling a bastard who can’t read the room and just giggles at jokes meant for a frat party "a personality hire"… what a load of BS. I swear, hearing that crap makes my blood pressure shoot right up.

　　— Kanghyun, please spend some time practicing instead of going around getting drunk. All the other boys are singing live, so it’s blatantly obvious when you’re the only one lip-syncing.

　　— LKH being hidden in the back during dance routines isn’t anything new, so I’ll just let that slide, but shouldn’t he at least write his own rap parts? Thinking about how he’s half-assing his promotions but still getting an equal split of the group’s payouts makes me furious, and it’s not even my money.

　　└ If you’re so mad about it, why don’t you go on the next season of Pick Your Fantasy and debut yourself? Haha.

　　└ I already have a perfectly good job, so why would I go there? Can’t even say anything because his fangirls are so terrifying. I even censored his name, but the fact that you created a burner account just to hunt me down and rage at me is truly legendary.

　　—I get so pissed off every time a new Lee Kanghyun controversy pops up these days. I just feel so bad for my bias who got eliminated because of a talentless hack like him… See, didn’t I tell you all to focus a little more on talent instead of constantly simping over his facecard…

　　└ My sweet lady, don’t cry.

　　└ Even the ones obsessively sucking up to him right now because he’s handsome are going to disappear in a year or two, you know? I know how to read people, and I’m 100% sure he’s going to get caught up in a nightlife scandal sooner or later.

　　In a nutshell, Lee Kanghyun was an "escapist rapper." He hadn’t chosen the position because he liked rapping or was good at it. His agency had just tossed it his way, telling him to roughly mutter along since he was so terrible at singing. To put it nicely, he was the visual of the group; to put it harshly, he was completely incompetent. That was Lee Kanghyun, and now, that was me.